In the snowy lands
by Allumettes
Summary: He sees past the blackness of my soul and loves me back, unconditionally. That’s already more than I deserve." Naruto comes to find Sasuke who has been waiting for him al along. SasuNaru
1. Chapter 1

Dosclaimer: Not mine..

* * *

Lately everything in my life has been rather grim. Colours seem less brilliant and the reflections of the small pool of water I am looking at right now seem blurry and dull. Like they were stretched to far and lost their shape and shine. I have never been a very happy person, reserved and bitter match me better, but I can't help but wonder: did things used to be as wistful as now?

I've forgotten a lot of what happened before I came here, or at least I've tried to. Some things I did remember, it feels more like a curse than bliss to me. These memories I suppress at day, but they come back with a vengeance at night. Images, feelings, faces I don't want to remember seem clearer and stronger in the night. As if they are more confident in the dark.

Ever since I had been here so had they. I'm confused. At night I longed so much for daylight, it promised new chances to forget and just move on, but in the day my mind would often wander and I would shut my eyes creating an artificial night were I called for the images. They were the only things that kept me going. The knowledge that night would come, along with the dreams that consoled and destroyed me. It is so terribly exhausting that one day I'm sure it will drive me insane.

The pool of water ripples in the freezing winter wind. The forest is quiet enough to hear the slight cracking noises the branches make under the weight of the snow. There is no life in the forest, the trees are deserted and the sky is empty. Only I'm alive although I don't feel it. Slowly but resolute I allow myself to fall down in the snow. It drenches my back immediately, making my clothes heavy. I don't shiver, I don't shake, merely invite the cold in. I embrace it, push my body deeper into the snow wishing it would make me as cold and lifeless as the trees; anything to stop the pain.

'Sasuke, come now. I've a surprise for you'

I heard the voice and recognised it, it was hard not to. Nobody had a voice that slippery and that ambiguous, such a voice that could never sound innocent or kind, Orochimaru.

I sit up but still don't look away from the untainted snow.

'I'll come.'

* * *

They are all gathered in the room. Some seated, some standing, Orochimaru's most trusted, there are about 20. The walls are decorated with signs and symbols from far-away places, the ceiling is high and sound travels easily throughout the room. There are a few hushed conversations but they all stop when I enter the double wooden doors. I don't falter and walk towards the other end of the room where I sit down on one of the white benches. The room slopes upward here so the people in the back can see and hear someone speaking in the front.

People scoot away from me silently, avoiding eye contact. Only two people in the room dare to close the distance between us. One of them is Karin who sits down on the bench above me and places both her legs on either side of me. With her mouth formed in a satisfied grin she leans over and hugs my chest. Her black eyes dart across the room to catch some envious glances.

The other one is Suigetsu: a youth of my age who sits down next to me, after throwing a foul glance at Karin.

After a little while conversation begins to fill out the room again though people keep throwing glances at us in the back. I just keep my glare focused on nothing in particular. I'm slightly bothered by Karin's behaviour but it's easier to just let her be, I don't feel like fighting her off today. Anyone else who would touch me like her would probably get hurt, badly. Karin's a different case. She's strong, she doesn't look it but people know. She's also intelligent and determent.

But there is another reason why I let her touch me, another reason why I allow her to breathe in my neck or smell my hair. That reason just stepped in, Orochimaru. His eyes seek me in the crowd and when they find me I feel them wander over my face.

_Don't look up_

The room is entirely quiet now, everyone is focused and the atmosphere is tense. Orochimaru takes his place in front of the benches and walks around a little. Then he lifts his head and speaks to the crowd, but I feel as if he's only talking to me, as always.

'My friends, the war we are fighting is a difficult one. Victories are scarce and our foes are numerous, but we must not be afraid. Because we are on the winning side!

_Dubious bastard_. Orochimaru talks like he's surrounded by companions, like he has nothing to fear. He knows just as well as I do that everyone in this room would leave him dying would something to happen to him, except perhaps Kabuto.

'From now on we won't have a thing to worry about anymore. I have found a weapon so powerful it can take down mountains and cause tsunamis, one of the seven legendary beasts.'

Something in my brain clicks and my attention is drawn. I can hear Karin inhale sharply above me.

'All the sacrifices we've made have paid out in the end. With this weapon we can take down entire countries. And you can all be a part of this glory if you do one thing. Swear allegiance to me. Sign over your soldiers to me and together we'll be the richest nation in the world!'

I look to my side and see some of the landlords shake their heads. It's a big decision, up until now they only stuck to Orochimaru for safety. They didn't want to take any risk so they followed him, but this, handing him authority over their troops. Not all of them can afford to refuse. In fact none of them can, Ororchimaru would just crush them with his new forces and take everything. This offer isn't an offer, it is damage control.

'How about you demonstrate this mighty weapon to us first' a youngster on the first bench calls out.

He is encouraged by approving shouts from the others. Fool. No doubt he'll get punished for that insolence later. Orochimaru's orders aren't to be questioned. But he's not killed yet. Orochimaru lets it slide and he smiles and nods.

'That's only fair. I'll show you the vessel, but to demonstrate its power is out of the question.'

I only hear half the answer. My breath stops at 'vessel'. Karin doesn't realise, nor does Suigetsu. The noise in the room fades but all I can think is: _Please, don't let it be him._

My hands are clenched as I repeat the plea in my head.

Orochimaru nods at Kabuto who leaves the room and shortly after that returns with Juugo in his footsteps. So that's where he's been. Juugo's massive posture seems bigger than usual. There is a limp figure hanging over his shoulder. He drops the body next to Orochimaru where it hits the floor with a loud thud. The body looks bigger now that it's not compared to Juugo's.

I'm on the edge of my seat. Right now I don't care about keeping my cool or hiding my emotion. Juugo takes his seat on my other side. He doesn't say a thing.

Orochimaru grins at the crowd and pushes the body with his foot. It rolls over.

_I know that face._

My eyes slam shut. I look away and fiercely stare at the wall. My breathing is too fast, strained. Luckily the crowd is too amazed to notice. Those that know the legendary beasts are shouting and laughing, those that don't pretend they do.

I can hear the commotion but I can't look at him. His face already haunts me. Above the shouts of the crowd Orochimaru says as he lifts up the vessel's shirt:

'The nine-tailed demon fox, Uzumaki Naruto!'

I feel my body move; I'm not in control anymore. Silently I sneak away, not looking. Because that's what I do, I'm such a coward.

* * *

That was it, the first chapter of my first story! Hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

A feast follows. The sounds reach my room easily. There is a light echo but I can distinguish laughter and the tinkling of cups. I've never spent a peaceful night in this place. Perhaps it's my heightened senses that are keeping me from sleep. At first it appears to be quiet but when you listen closely you hear the sounds of men wailing. Some don't even sound like men anymore, just animals; these are the sounds the darkness brings forth. You don't hear them in the day.

I lay on my bed, not in it; my hands are cramped around the hilt of my sword. The room is barely lit by a single candle. I won't close my eyes because I'm afraid of the things that happen when I do. My strength has always been in my eyes, they are my shield. With them open I can see all and therefore stop all.

The noise fades, the feast has ended, or so it sounds. Sometimes I join the feast but I guess I never really enjoy it. There is alcohol and smoke and clamour. Suigetsu and Karin make me go. Juugo's never there and I, among few, know why. He gets bloodthirsty.

There is a sound outside in the hallway. My heart stops beating and I can't breathe; this awful feeling in my stomach, the stiffness of my spine, they are my senses trying to warn me, and I'm warned alright. Without making a sound I get up and unsheathe my sword. The cold radiates from the metal blade; it lies steady in my hand. Something is fiddling with the lock on my door. I can hear it protest as it gives away. The heavy door moves. Rapidly my sword shoots forward, smooth. It's a second nature to me.

In the crack of the door there is only darkness. I open it a little more; my sword stays pressed against a throat. The weak light from my room falls upon the figure, and I want to look away.

_To late_

They are the eyes I've avoided all evening. Orochimaru smiles at me, his face twist and his skin seems to crack. I stretch my arm unconsciously creating more distance between us. My fingers clench the hilt desperately and I press the blade closer to his throat, all this time his eyes keep me in place and I can't look away. They're beautiful in a way, gold, perhaps a little darker around the edges.

'What are you doing here?'

I ask and try to sound indifferent; I don't manage it because I'm holding a sword near his artery and hostility oozes out of me. He chuckles like he knows what's going on inside my head.

Oh god, I feel like slitting his throat right now but I don't, because no matter how hard I try to deny it, he scares me. In his presence I feel insignificant. He's like Itachi in a way. He was the only one who could make me feel so small, he was also the only one who could ever make me do the things I did. Orochimaru is the same but a little less complicated. For one I don't admire him like I admired my brother and he's easier to read. Also my brother's eyes have a way of covering everything beneath while I know exactly what Orochimaru is thinking if I look into his eyes, like I'm doing right now, and i'm terrified.

I'm caught of guard and my sword drops an inch. He takes advantage of the mistake and grabs the blade with his hand while pushing forward. Instead of pushing back I retreat a step.

God I'm so stupid. He plucks the sword from between my limp hands and all I can do is watch. He's in my room now and I'm still retreating. I'm so angry at myself for being so weak, my brain is screaming and still I do nothing. My sword is thrown on the bed. The soft 'thump' wakes me and I tear my eyes away and focus them on the floor.

This is why I'm inferior to him. I always throw down my shield. Now I'm helpless.

'Come on Sasuke; look at me if you dare. Show me those pretty eyes of yours.'

He taunts me but I don't care, I don't want to look him in the eye.

'You're always so talkative... How did you like the surprise I had for you?'

'You're sick. You didn't have to bring him.'

'Does it bother you then that he's here. Did he mean that much to you?'

I fervently shake my head and lie.

'I don't care; he's a pest you've brought upon yourself, just an annoyance.'

I don't know if he bites it or not, but he doesn't press on. He just looks at me and takes another step forward. I finally manage to stand my ground but my eyes dart away to the only exit. Orochimaru sees it.

'Are you thinking about leaving already Sasuke? Why don't you stay a little longer?'

I don't answer and just walk past him. For a moment I think it's working and he's just going to let me go, I'm a fool for hoping. Instead he grabs my right arm and throws me against the wall hard. It's a lot more painful than I expected and I understand I'm fighting one of the sannin here. A gasp leaves my lips but I don't have time to inhale because his hand grips my throat. My lips move but I can't breathe. Orochimaru's other hand fists my hair and pulls it so I lift my head and expose my throat. I feel familiar chirping near the hand that hangs limp at my side and I realise it's chidori. Without a hesitation I pull my hand up to slam it in his face. My punch misses. Orochimaru was too fast and pulled back the last second.

There I stand, panting like I just ran 5 miles and horrified. If he gets serious I won't be able to hold him of.

He grins and lifts his hands to perform hand-seals. This is it I think, my future depends on his next move. But however desperate the situation seems, there is hope. I know him and how trusts the snakes. I know that he has no idea of my pact with Manda, their king. The seals are finished .I feel the pressure of the charka he has called upon when they appear with a small 'poof'.

The pressure on my arms and around my body is familiar and I can't stop a grin from spreading over my face because I know how right I was. How I feel like laughing right now!

Orochimaru sees it, his eyes look confused so I feel the need to explain myself.

'The biggest mistake you ever made was to take them for granted.'

My grin widens as I rest my arms and send the snakes forward. They slither down my body and rest theirs on the ground. The biggest one raises its head and shows his fangs.

'Next time you meat Manda I'd very cautious if I were you.'

The snakes his and climb up his legs and wrap themselves around his torso, slightly choking him. The biggest one slithers around his neck and hold him immobile.

'If you try anything funny he'll bite.'

Orochimaru's eyes follow me as I walk to the door; he wonders why I won't kill him, yet.

'Where are you going?'

'As far away from you as possible.' is my reply and I close the door behind me.

I trust he'll be freed by Kabuto soon enough but for now I let him hang there just to be sure he won't bother me while I go do the thing I've been wanting to do all night.

* * *

The security isn't even tight. There are two men stationed outside, I suspect one of them of being drunk. They step forward to say something but quickly shut up when they recognise me. There faces look terrified, they have felt the murderous aura around me no doubt. I don't even bother looking at them and open the door.

In the room it's dark, there is one window but it's barred. Moonlight only lights up one corner of the room. I'm standing with my back plastered to the wall. I can't breath. There is a figure in the unlit corner of the room. He's chained up to the ceiling. I smell the dampness in the air and force myself to calm down. My chest rises and falls rapidly but I can take a few steps now.

As in a dream I feel myself walking towards him, closer, closer, until I can hear him breathe. My hands reach forward, they're shaking. It takes agonisingly long before my fingertips finally reach something. It's rough against my skin but it's there, a proof. I move my hands so carefully, it's like I'm afraid that if I touch him to hard he'll disappear, but he doesn't. He's still there, solid and real, warm and breathing. Suddenly I'm so relieved I come closer and wrap my hands around his neck and bury my face in his chest. Everything is so clear, his scent, reminds me of everything that I left behind. It hurts so much; I wish I could have done what I wanted to do back then. It would have solved so much. But I didn't, and I just ran.

His breathing changes, I barely notice it. My hand ghosts over his cheeks and I feel his eyes flutter. He's coming by. I can't stop a tear running down my face, whether it's from joy or grief I don't know. His eyes open but I know he can't see in the dark, just like me. I haven't activated sharingan so I'm doing everything by touch. I'm afraid that if I'd see him, if I'd truly look at him, I'd go mad.

'Sasuke?'

A sob breaks through. It's me who sobbing, he's just breathing hard and laboured. Reluctantly I slide my arms down his neck and turn around.

'Sasuke, oh god.'

Naruto's voice follows me out.


	3. Chapter 3

When the sun finally rises I feel like I'm dead. I haven't slept at all; I just sat here all night, outside in one of the fancy gardens. The plants and paths aren't kept well, it looks messy and chaotic. I sit on one of the steps, knees bent and hands in my lap. They're still shaking.

The accident with Orochimaru is still on my mind but it doesn't haunt me. I could have seen it coming and in a way I did. I was just caught by surprise. I'm ashamed it came that far. I still feel his hands on my throat, his head so close to mine. God, I feel disgusting.

'Sasuke, dude.'

I turn to see Suigetsu coming down the steps. He's dressed in formal blue. It makes his stormy grey eyes stand out. 

'What, Suigetsu.'

He trails his hand through his silver hair and looks at me funny. 

'Where were you yesterday night?'

'In my room.' 

His eyes catch me.

'After the feast. I went to your room, you weren't there.' 

Goddamn it, he always has to dig.

'I don't have to explain myself to you, now go.'

'It seems you're even more 'reserved' than usual Sasuke.' 

He sits down next to me and looks into my eyes really deeply. I stare back for a while but it starts to piss me off. 

'What was Orochimaru doing in your room?' 

I wish he would leave me alone. It's painful enough as it is, I don't need him getting involved.

'You shouldn't have been there.' 

God I'm so frustrated, I want to kick and punch someone. Anyone for that matter but one guy especially. Then I scowl because I promised myself I wouldn't think about him again. 

'You know I just wanted to make sure you weren't lonely.' Suigetsu whispers in my ear while he drags a finger across the small of my back. 

I can't stop a pleasant shiver from running up my spine and act on it. My hand shoots out and grabs his arm. I push him down onto the stone floor and straddle him pinning his wrists. He looks up at me surprised at first but then the expression makes place for a cheeky grin. 

He moves his wrist but I keep them steady on the stone tiles. The sun has fully risen now and I feel it hit the back of my neck. It shines on him under me, lightening him up like the sun. His silver hair shines gold. I lean closer. He lifts his shoulders from the ground and stretches his neck awkwardly to reach my lips. When they finally touch the reflection of the sun changes and he's Suigetsu again. Pale and silver beneath me. Not him

I pull back immediately. Get off him. I don't feel like lying. He doesn't move for a while. I can see he's confused by the way he blinks his eyes. But then he sighs because he's used to my moods; everyone always has to settle for them.

I stand up and walk away leaving him, frustrated and confused. It seems as if I can do nothing but leave people behind, and go where they can't follow.

* * *

The dungeons are not entirely dark, but not light either. They are lit by white lights, some are broken. People go mad with this kind of lighting. It creates shadows but doesn't illuminate enough. Some blotches are left unlit and that is where the monsters and demons hide, is what the prisoners say. Others places are entirely filled with sick pale light so they can't sink away under the comforting blanket of the night. 

I walk with a confident stride through the hallways. There are room and passages on either side of me as I walk by. Some are occupied with white, insignificant people who bear dark, distressed faces but most of them are empty. 

As I come closer to my destination I slow my pace, unconsciously. I'm almost standing still when something tugs at my cloak. I look down and see a face through the bars. It's vaguely familiar but hard to place. Her face is feminine, as is her body. It slopes in some places and her hands are fastened on my sleeve by elegant wrists. She's on her knees. 

Then I realise that beneath the dirt and blood her hair is pink and the bruising on her eye hides a soft green. She tries to breath but fails and coughs, recovers, inhales with a wheezing sound. My hand goes down to grip her wrist forcefully. Her hands are tied together with string. She doesn't let go when I apply pressure.

'Wh-where… is…he.'

She whispers, chest heaving, her hands grab mine. 

'You …tell me how…'

I pull my hand back forcefully and put her to sleep with two fingers in her neck. She belongs in the memories, she shouldn't have come, but she did and I'm not one to show mercy or understanding. She's not the one I want to see right now, here. Foolish of her to come, she couldn't still love me after what I put her through. He knew Naruto wouldn't stay and linger, but wouldn't she?

I follow the hallway as it grows narrower and darker. My eyes have remembered every turn since when I filled my days with wandering and exploring. Just as they have remembered this door; its colour, its texture, the familiar creak when it opens. 

'Sasuke?'

* * *

He sits on the mattress on the floor, if you can call it that, piece of cloth and feathers perhaps, his knees up to his chest. His voice is weak. I can't seem to look up. I don't want to meet his eyes; I'm afraid of them.

'It's really you.'

He states while getting up, walking towards me and stopping just a breath away. I fight the urge to lunge forward or back down, I just stay perfectly still.

'Please just…'

His hands reach out but don't touch me.

'Look at me.'

I look up and have to fight to keep my gaze neutral. They're the same blue I remembered, even brighter. Sakura had once said that she gets lost in my eyes because they're so dark, like staring into to pots of shining ink, she has no idea. 

His palms stop skimming my clothes and grab them. I freeze and close my eyes. He hugs me hard, his face in my neck, his tears wetting the skin there. For three years I had to miss this. For three years I have been missing out on his touches and smiles. I forgot how hopelessly addicted I was to them. 

'Stupid bastard.' He mutters against my shoulder.

That's it, too much. He's like a drug, just breaking me down while I'm loving it. He distracts me and always has. I can't afford that. My hands find his collar and roughly push him back so he hits the wall opposite of me.

'Don't touch me.' I whisper.

His face falls. He doesn't move against the wall, not even to stand up straight. His mouth forms an ugly sneer.

'You left me. I was going to forgive you because I hoped it'd be easier after a while; living with you rather than living without you, even though you're sick in the head and the heart.'

He tries to calm down, stares at the floor now. The words he spoke strike me deep. They're so true. I am sick, and I did leave him.

I open my mouth but no sound comes out. In absence of my answer he turns around and lifts his hands to his hair, fisting it in exasperation. He shuts his eyes hard.

'Did you just come here to torment me? Does this mean nothing to you? What about last night then. Was that all an act too?

He has to know, I tell myself. I have to let him know. It's not okay and I can't just stay silent and still this time. He doesn't deserve that. If he suffered as much as I did then I can't forgive myself that easily. Naruto is someone who believes in hope and courage and friendship and love, in all the good in the world. He forgets that sometimes things can only be evil or get worse; he forgets that sometimes you can't just forgive, forget and go on. 

So I move and grab his arm. He looks at me surprised and furious, tries to pull free, but I've waited too long to let him go now. I can't help but think that it used to be the other way around, and that it should still be like that now, but it's not. He punches me in the face, I let him of course. It hurts a lot but that's okay because I deserve it.

He hits me two more times; my face will have a lovely blue colour later. So there he is, attached to me and not resisting anymore. My grip slackens and now it's not a grip anymore, just touching, reassuring. 

'I'm sorry for not stopping when you asked me to.'

The apology is fitting.

'You told me there at the end, that we shared a bond. I told you I'd break it. Did you realise, you had to realise I was lying.'

He looks at me with that strange look, like he knew that all along. Then he says: 

'Yeah well, I always knew you were a lying bastard, it didn't stop me from following you over this edge. I never really listen to you anyway.'

'Thank god you're like that.' I reply, and I almost smile. 

I can't pull it of, but I think he knows I tried. This place just isn't meant for smiles. This place is dangerous and serious, which is why I remind myself of the issue. I'm supposed to get him out of here, and Sakura too I guess, if he insists. So I tell him I have to go get some stuff to break them out, and he begs me to be careful. He begs me to come back. I don't think he trusts me but he has that right. I haven't given him a lot of reason to do so. 


End file.
